


I hate you, Merry Christmas

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: the sass and murder show [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Frenemies Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson, Gen, M/M, POV Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Stucky - Freeform, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, be gone Summer, lets pretend it's december instead of september, sam has had enough of your shananigans, we wish you a passive aggressive christmas, why am I still writing christmas fics in late summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:21:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: Sam replaces Bucky's popcorn strand with two of his own. 'Tis the season to be jolly.





	I hate you, Merry Christmas

"That's not how you string popcorn."

Sam makes a sour face and continues to slide popcorn onto a thin piece of thread. Bucky is older than dirt, for all Sam knows he and Steve could've simply thrown popcorn at the Christmas tree until a few stuck there. He may be old enough to be Sam's great grandparent but that doesn't make him the expert on holiday decor.

Beside of Bucky, Steve attaches tiny hooks to ornate blown glass ornaments and ignores both of them. Their tree is scrawny at best and could easily pass as a Charlie Brown knock-off. They could've had a gorgeous live spruce that complemented the ornaments but no, Bucky had picked the skinniest one. He'd presented it to Steve with an amused grin and the words "Betcha' didn't know they made trees that look like you." With watery eyes, Steve had proudly displayed next to a snowy window in the living room. They're disgustingly in love. They make Valentines Day look tame in comparison.

" _No_. This is exactly how you string popcorn," Sam retorts as a piece slips from the thread and onto the floor. How wonderful, how festive, how head-against-brick wall.

Bucky takes it upon himself to be the good samaritan that no one, especially Sam, asked for. He steps over boxes of tinsel, spools of thread, an angel topper that Steve picked up at a thrift store for .50.

He pushes up the sleeves on his henley and takes the popcorn string right out of Sam's hands. "You're embarrassing yourself, Wilson. Here lemme help."

Oh hell no, Sam will not stand for this. His gram's taught him this time honored art and she was never wrong, not once. "You're one to talk. Yours looks like something a cat chewed up and spit back out. I cannot _believe_ you're going to insult a tree like that."

Steve laughs under his breath and both glare at him. He's not a part of this two man salt brigade nor was he invited to join. He puts his hands up in surrender and Bucky steals the ornament from his palm. He quickly tosses it to Sam. Steve's eyes nearly bug out of his head as he sputters "Those are one of a kind. They were a gift from the museum of modern art, have some respect."

"And yet you're putting them on a Charlie Brown tree."

Bucky begins to remove every bit of popcorn from Sam's strand one by one and mutters under his breath about how skinny trees are just as important as the tall, more filled in ones. They may not survive a harsh Winter but they sure are pretty all lit up.

"I don't know who this Charlie guy is but our tree is better," Steve counters.

Bucky pauses and gazes in Steve's eyes in a way that will never _not_ make Sam uncomfortable. They're too emotionally invested in an ugly tree and somedays he wonders if they were always this overly affectionate or if this new thing was a by product of the ice. Surely they wouldn't have lasted long like this back in the '40s - one meaningful lingering stare would've given them away in two seconds flat.

"I've always thought so," Bucky murmurs.

That's it, next year they're buying a piñata instead. They can't possibly have an attachment to a paper mache'd animal stuffed full of candy. But then again they're _Steve & Bucky_, they'll latch onto anything and tie a memory to it.

Seeing as Bucky is distracted it's the perfect time to snatch the strand from his grasp and Sam does so successfully. Bucky angles around to narrow his eyes and he can do that until the sun comes up for all Sam cares. He's _not_ undoing the perfection that is his strand.

It isn't long before Bucky is carefully wrapping his own strand of popcorn around the crooked branches and Sam watches with arms crossed. He doesn't say a word until the final inch has adorned the tree. Bucky stands back and admires his handiwork from across the room - my god he actually seems proud of it.

"I'm personally offended on behalf of the tree," Sam states.

Steve hangs a delicate ornament here, another there. When placed next to the warm glow of Christmas lights, they shine in many splendid colors. They put Bucky's work to shame.

"It _likes_ my decorations," Bucky retorts.

It's just not the holiday season until someone personifies a mass produced hunk of glorified foliage. Sam quickly adds the last of his kernels to the sliver of thread and drapes them, ungracefully, along the tree. Hmm. They _are_ sort of an eyesore but he'd rather die than admit Bucky was right about something for once. It is so rare, after all.

"It _tolerates_ them. If it could speak it'd beg to be put out of its misery."

Steve pops open a box of silver tinsel and Bucky immediately takes a handful...then tosses it at an unsuspecting Sam.

He laughs at his own brilliant idea and tosses the box on the floor. "Shoulda decorated you instead."

Sam glowers. "Steve."

Steve had disappeared into the kitchen for the other small box of ornament hooks but, at hearing his name, he returned. Bucky strolls over to him and offers up the box. While they're preoccupied, Sam plucks ribbons of tinsel from his hair and out from under his shirt - he does not see it coming.

Steve, the valiant avenger with thighs that could kill a man and an attitude to match, cackles and points. It's not that funny, it's not. Sam huffs and Steve hurls a ball of tinsel at his head. It smacks him in the forehead and cascades down his cheeks. Goddamn he loves the holidays.

"Sorry, did my distress interrupt recess?"

Steve throws his head back in laughter as Bucky wipes the tears from his eyes. They're the devils spawn, both of them. Sam hates.

"You make a beautiful tree, Sam, really. Truly," Steve wheezes. He's inching closer when a brilliant idea blooms in Sam's head. He takes a half opened box of tinsel and dumps its contents atop the tree. They cover popcorn strands and ornaments alike - the tree is a disaster. It looks like someone decorated it with their eyes closed. Oh god it's hideous. What has he done.

Bucky shakes his head. "Y'know Steve, I thought the Grinch was make believe but Sam has proven me wrong. He's been here the whole time."

Hardy har har.

"I regret ever showing you that book," Sam hisses. How the Grinch Stole Christmas has been one of his most favorite books since he was a child so naturally he'd introduced the two of them to its magic. He's not the smartest crayon in the box.

Steve places a palm to his own chest and dramatically recites, "And his heart grew two sizes bigger that day."

Bucky nods. "A Christmas miracle."

Sam is taking back their gifts, every last one of them, come tomorrow morning. He'll replace them with cans of corned beef because it's the closest thing to Who-Hash he can find. He'll place the cans in a large box and wrap them in shiny green and red paper, he'll-

There's a light knock at the door. Vision stands on the other side of it and shoves a questionable square of foiled baked goods in Sam's hands as he swings the door open.

"Happy Merry! I have made something for you," Vision exclaims.

Sam isn't sure which aspect is the oddest: Vision's remarkable inability to memorize a proper holiday greeting or the heavy log of food in his hands.

"Merry Christmas!," Bucky returns. There's still three more weeks but why spoil his fun? Vision tilts his head in the direction of the shriveled tree and eyes it suspiciously. Sam purses his lips.

Yes that's ours. Yes we're aware of its homely appearance.

"What is that?"

Steve throws an arm over Bucky's shoulders and both give Vision a dopey grin. "It's a Christmas tree."

Vision stares. "Why would you place a small tree in your home?"

Microscopic is more like it. Its branches droop under the weight of tinsil and now buried ornaments which give it the appearance of being hunched over. It's a sad sight. Steve invites Vision in and weaves together a long winded story of how such a tradition came to be and the symbolism behind it and Jesus, Mary and Joseph he's even delving into its presence in historical art. Is there anything Steve Rogers takes lightly?

Bucky takes his place beside of him on the sofa, one hand in Steve's and the other picking at the fruitcake as Vision asks question after question.

Sam gathers tinsel from himself and the tree. He replaces Bucky's popcorn strand with two of his own. 'Tis the season to be jolly.

**Author's Note:**

> Sam doesn't live with them but he doesn't have the heart to put up a tree in his lonely little house


End file.
